#I have some people I love to watch but the majority of 'content creators' sicken me

[sporco-filth]

I'd call this a Slob Spotlight but it's kind of not that slobby. But it's a guy I really want to talk about.

Chikara Omine, who had a Youtube account called Chikaranese, is a runner who is notable for his all junk food diet and his penchant for eating challenges.

One of my favourites of his (and the first I saw) was called 'my tribute to junk food' where he espouses the virtues of junk food and defends it against its critics. But he also did one where he dieted by only eating junk food and there was another fun one where he ate from Burger King every day using coupons he'd stored up.

See the thing is, Chikara is fit. Like he is a runner and he eats a lot because he burns it off. So that diet was legitimately calorie cutting, just he didn't really eat any vegetables.

But regardless, what made me love his work was the things he'd say:

"Sometimes I have to be vegetarian and eat chicken but a challenge is a challenge"

"they messed up my order and gave me a diet coke. Are they trying to starve me?" (takes a sip) "Blegh"

And below the break, there's a transcript I wrote from memory of 'My Tribute to Junk Food'.

See, the thing is, all of his videos have gone now. I guess he decided to remove them. A lot of commentors were convinced he'd died because of his diet, but he's still alive and running.

Nowadays, I save videos I really like because you never know what will happen, but his were already gone by the time I started doing that. The only one I found was an eating video of him on someone else's channel:

This was 14 years ago. I have no interest in disturbing this guy and I don't think he's interested in eating challenges these days. But man his videos were fun.

(also don't look this guy up. all you'll find is stuff about marathon running and maybe a brief mention of him liking junk food. If there were more, I'd have included it.)

Anyway, like I said, read his tribute to junk food below it's good except my memory failed here and there (I watched it almost a decade ago) so there are a couple of parts I'm less certain of

(this image is from the coupon challenge but it gives you an idea of the scene because it's the same background) (in case you wonder how I got it, someone posted a screenshot of it in a competitive eating forum or something)

When most people think of junk food they think of a negative thing. However, I see "junk food" as a delicious source of energy. [Chikara grabs a candy bar from behind him] Of course, I like candy bars, but I also like: [scene change to a table full of receipts] Fast food. My favourites include Burger King, Taco Bell and Seven Eleven. In the past year, I came way to this much in receipts. [return to Chikara who is now eating the bar] I rely on junk food to keep myself from starving. [scene change to fridge filled with various junk foods] In order to do that, I need to keep my fridge well stocked and not waste any space on things such as vegetables. [vegetable crisper (?) opens and is revealed to be empty] [scene change to Chikara in a gym on a scale] I credit junk food for keeping my weight down and blood pressure healthy. (? I forget the exact wording) [camera moves to show his weight, which is low] [return to Chikara] Although I don't care much for vegetables, it's not like I don't eat them at all. Some of the vegetables I eat include: [scene changes to Chikara with a bag of popcorn] Corn! [Chikara eats a handful while text below reads 'note: pop "corn"'] [scene changes to Chikara with a bag of chips] Potatoes! [Chikara eats a handful while text below reads 'note: "potato" chips'] [scene changes to Chikara with a bowl of soup] Mushrooms! [Chikara eats a spoonful while text below reads 'note: cream of "mushroom"'] [scene changes to Chikara holding a pizza slice] And there's lots of veggies on pizza! [return to Chikara] Junk food is tasty, but sometimes I can make it taste even better. The following are some of my favourite … and others I have tried more recently… [scene change to Chikara's hands holding a bag of popcorn and a butter block] They say extra butter, but you can always add more. Add a stick of butter to get what I like to call the "butterball". [cut to Chikara's face as he eats the "butterball" and smiles, giving a thumbs up] Mmm, oily. [scene change to a glass of soda and a bottle of green syrup] Soda is sweet, but you can always make it sweeter by adding syrup. [chikara adds the syrup to the soda and drinks] [scene changes to show a donut, a tub of icing and a tub of caramel] You can add frosting and caramel to make a caramel-frosted Krispy Kreme donut. [he coats the donut with the two as he says it then eats it, smiling] [scene change to show a pizza slice on a plate] Marshmallows go great on pizza. [he sprinkles marshmallows on then puts it in the microwave]

[Chikara eats a candy bar] Mm, so good. In conclusion, I'd just like to say: stay healthy, and eat plenty of junk food!

[ngame989]

If what the nucleus tweet said is true and it could mean that we would get a lot more episodes without the time to "digest" the episodes that they air, do you thinks is really a bad thing? I think that we would be able to enjoy it more, like watching a movie since we are getting quickly, but that just me.

If that’s your personal preferred viewing experience, that’s fine, but for the fandom, the show’s popularity, and the potential for growth and hype, it’s definitely a bad thing. I think you may be underestimating how much content this season truly is - 21 episodes is going to be nearly 8 hours of content, which is like 4-5 movies. I might even agree with you in part: I don’t necessarily think that digestion time for analysis is the biggest issue, if for no other reason than that no amount of time seems to be enough for this fandom to understand things. Sophomore Slump was over a year ago and it seems people still can’t agree on what it actually meant, even though it was clear as fucking day. 

On to the more important issues: the fandom thrives on fanart and fanfiction, and those take time. Even season 3A really didn’t have a massive abundance of art during the bomb, besides some highlight moments, whereas earlier seasons have fanart from every single episode here and there that was made as they were airing (weekly). And individual content creators may not even have time to draw that often anyway even if they wanted to - the benefit of a weekly episode is that a creator has about 7 days to pick and choose from to find inspiration or take the time to make something cool, but with daily episodes, maybe a creator isn’t free until the weekend and then they have to prioritize which episode from the last week to draw something from. 

And even further than that is the more general problem with reception - the show’s fandom had been building up for a while, 3B was the most popular its ever been by the raw numbers, and they’ve been trying to keep people interested during the hiatus. Especially given that Season 4 is primed to feature content people have been hyping up for a long time now, there’s so much potential to grow it even further that would just be wasted. Treating the whole season as just a last hurrah does a major disservice to the love and care that has undoubtedly gone into the show, for one thing - again, I can’t stress this enough, Season 4 is eight hours. This is nearly 30% of the show that is coming up, it’s not as though it’s just the finishing touches to what has come before it, there are going to be entirely new arcs started, developed, and finished during this, and it’s just one of the many reasons I kinda hate the notion that the whole thing would be lumped together as just “come see the last leg of SVTFOE before it’s gone forever!” I’m especially sensitive to this, of course, since Season 4 is set up to be the holy grail of the content I’ve been waiting for and ready to bask in for a while. Not something I just want to see and be done with - I’ve been hoping to ride the high for as long as I can, and I’m sure many fans feel the same, especially since a lot of people just learned Season 4 was the last one in the first place! 

Everything else is just insult to injury. The major hiatus with almost no communication from anyone feels so much shittier knowing it’s not even going to lead to a golden age of hype. All the buildup to the last set of character arcs has taken such a long time and required so much patience from the fans that having the thing they’ve been waiting for start and end in a month just feels like trash, too. If the show had always aired in a Netflix style, OK maybe we’d be used to it. But the prospect of sitting through the suffering and tension of Star and Marco’s relationship being strained by confused, hurt feelings for nearly 2.5 years to just get the peak of their relationship rushed out to us in its entirety in a month honestly just disgusts me. And it sucks even MORE because I know Daron and the crew are gonna get all kinds of flak for this when they’re as much a victim as anyone else! Showrunners don’t really have much say in this normally: the creator of the upcoming Disney series Amphibia tweeted out a poll recently (which at the time I thought was for Amphibia itself but now makes me reconsider whether it was foreshadowing our current situation) and the responses were overwhelmingly in support of weekly (the tweet has since been deleted, I hope you can trust me on this).

Alex Hirsch himself responded and was vocal that he was sickened by some of the decisions made airing Gravity Falls.

I know this has been long-winded but it pisses me off so much, and Alex’s comments summarize it nicely. We’ve already suffered a huge momentum loss from this hiatus, and Season 4 airing weekly would be a chance to get that all back and then some. Sure, in the long run it would’ve been way better to start airing S4 in late 2018 just to keep people more interested, but even with this giant hiatus, there’s still an incredible value to building up that rapport with the fandom again. Instead, if they do opt for a bomb, it basically means they’re tossing all of that potential into a trash can and just saying “well whoever still gives a shit can have the last 30% of the show shoveled into their face before it fucks off forever.” Disney Channel is absolutely godawful with reruns and overall support for their animated shows, so trust me once again when I claim that a Disney Channel bombing all of S4 wouldn’t be a gateway to attempts at spreading it further - it would be the death knell.  Sure, maybe there could be some additional merchandise afterwards, and the bomb would attract some attention and get some media outlets and articles talking about it after the fact, but there’s a catch. Disney’s streaming service won’t be completely public until near end of the year, so there might not even be a way for interested fans to easily and legally watch it after the fact even if there IS some kind of interest generated! Even if we don’t have the details yet, if the speculation turns out to be true, I think it would objectively kill the vast majority of the show’s remaining potential for additional widespread success and for fans who may have been turned off by either the content of prior seasons or the lengthy hiatus to get back into it.

[xtattlecrimex-blog]

Canon doesn’t work that way [AKA: Why Hannigram Isn’t Canon]

This is an actual comment I received on an Instagram post I made explaining why Hannigram isn’t canon. Let’s take a look at it:

This isn’t how canon works. At all. Canon is like well, a bible of information. Something literally written in stone. In fact, that’s the origin of the word. From biblical times. Though I can agree to some extent, some, the bible is open to interpretation there are still a bunch of things the bible does or doesn’t say and still hard and fast rules the vast majority of Christians will all agree with, no matter how they interpret the bible otherwise. For instance, the ten commandments. No matter if you go to a Catholic church, a Baptist Church, an Evangelical church, everyone has pretty much all agreed that the 10 commandments are solid rules to live by. Even when you do find that the bible has a slightly different interpretation than others, you will not find something so wildly outlandish that it doesn’t make any sense. This is what canon is and why it exists. It’s rules that are written down, set in stone, and definitely words that define a story, ideology, whatever you want to call it.

Once canon is written it cannot be changed. This has been the rule since, well, the beginning of Goddamn time. I know I’ve already brought this up but apparently it needs to be repeated because the Hannibal fandom still doesn’t understand what canon is and what fan fiction is. It really doesn’t help that the creator of the show, Bryan Fuller, doesn’t seem to understand this either. We are talking about a guy who literally got fired from a show for demanding he be able to write fan fiction instead of follow the book adaptation, and not only is this ridiculous but he demanded the actual author allow this when the author was the producer on the show. If the creator of Hannibal is this freaking self entitled, all he does is pass it onto his fans who believe him but will defend him.

Case in point: Hannigram. It is not canon. Not by any stretch of the word. It’s not even open to interpretation given the actual facts of the show and the events that took place. You cannot possibly interpret Hannibal’s behavior towards Will as love or romance. It is factually abuse. End of story. If Bryan Fuller wanted this to be canon because he writes the canon he had all the power in the world to make it canon. He failed to do that and all the “Hannigram is canon” tweets in the universe will not change the content of the show or the scripts that he already wrote. That’s not how that works. Let’s look at the plot, just the plot, not speculation or emotion. Just straight up facts of the show as it pertains to Will Graham and Hannibal’s relationship. I’ll go in order as sort of a timeline to make it abundantly clear how bad Hannibal was to Will.

Hannibal messes up Will’s investigation into the Hobbs murders by calling Garret Jacob Hobbs to warn him that the FBI is coming for him. This triggers Hobbs into murdering his wife and attempting to murder Abigail.

Hannibal uses this situation against Will almost immediately because he notices how guilty Will feels about what happened to Abigail so he just makes it worse. On purpose. Using Abigail as a pawn to manipulate Will.

Hannibal recognizes that Will has Encephalitis. Instead of doing literally anything to help him as a friend or doctor, Hannibal lets the disease get worse and worse to use it to his advantage to manipulate Will even further.

Hannibal starts to plant evidence for his eventual crime of framing Will for murder.

Hannibal starts to sew seeds of doubt in the minds of the FBI and Will’s friends so when it finally gets to the end, no one will believe Will when he says he isn’t the copy cat and hasn’t murdered anyone. Hannibal continues to use Will’s undiagnosed condition against him.

This entire time Hannibal has been feeding Will (and several other people) human flesh without their knowledge.

Hannibal is successful with his set up and though Will eventually gets treatment for Encephalitis he ends up being framed for murder and going to prison.

This is just season one, okay? I didn’t even include episode 11 where Hannibal blatantly gaslights Will by telling him no one is there when Will brings Abel Gideon to his house. What exactly, in all of this, denotes anything more than sadistic emotional torture on Hannibal’s part? Where is the love, respect, and care this awesome, romantic, “murder husbands” relationship is about? Even if Hannibal “completely changed” and totally stopped being evil at this point, is this still not bad enough that Will should ever forgive him? Could? Especially after one of the murders Hannibal made Will think he committed was Abigail’s which basically destroyed him? Really? This is your romance? Okay, let’s move on to season two events…at least to the best of my knowledge.

Hannibal pretty much knows the whole time Will is in jail he didn’t do it but does very little of anything to help him, until he hires Matthew Brown to help.

Hannibal moves in on Alana and uses her for sex and an alibi to cover up other crimes that he intends to commit.

Hannibal also somehow has Abigail alive, not that it makes any sense, but the events of season three show he was brainwashing Abigail the entire time so this pertains to Will mostly because of how Will cared for Abigail. It’s straight up disrespectful towards him and his wishes.

Hannibal nearly kills Jack on a rampage during their fight in the kitchen, stabs Will with a linoleum knife, and then to top it all off he slits Abigail’s throat while Will watches as some sort of punishment or revenge.

Okay, so I’m willing to bet if this happened to someone or their friend in real life, at this point people would recognize the reality of the situation, namely being that this isn’t love. This is high level abuse and manipulation. Now, just to be clear, the specific shippers I am talking about are the shippers that insist this is romantic, Hannibal loved, cared for, and respected Will, and literally nothing is wrong with their relationship. I am not against toxic shipping or people shipping people DESPITE the abusive or dark nature of the ship. What I am against are people turning crap like this into romance to justify the ship. Calling this behavior LOVE and not abuse. That’s what I’m against. Ship these assholes all you want but at least admit it’s not healthy. Moving on to season three:

There’s at least one scene with Will panicked and depressed in Hannibal’s kitchen thinking he can’t live without him and not in a good way. This scene denotes massive signs of codependency which, once again, isn’t love. It’s the result of extreme emotional and physical abuse on Hannibal’s part.

Will chases Hannibal all over the world to find him and does but Hannibal attempts to cut his head open and eat his brain. Seems like he would have done it had he not been stopped by whatever deus ex machina plot device happened, think it was Chiyoh but whatever it was, trust me it was bullshit.

Hannibal and Will are brought back to Mason in the states and once again endure a bunch of torture and none of this is anything that would have happened had Hannibal not dragged Will into all of this in the first place.

They eventually escape after Hannibal kills basically everyone and takes Will home. Will tells Hannibal, point blank, he wants nothing to do with him anymore because Hannibal is bad. Very bad. Will openly recognizes this to be the case and states it. Hannibal gets upset and turns himself in just so “Will can always know where to find him” and if you wanna tell me that’s not the trademark of an emotional abuser you don’t know what emotional abuse is.

Will actually goes on to get married and loves his wife. He’s dragged back into working with Hannibal to catch another killer. Will seems to try to avoid bonding or getting near Hannibal at all costs but it’s too late. The codependent bond has already been formed, Hannibal gets into his head again.

Will, recognizing that this is a very bad situation but he’s never going to get away from it, decides to kill both Hannibal and himself instead of living this life of torment he so clearly hates. The end.

Now, if you read all of that and thought “Wow this is a beautiful romance story with loving caring devoted husbands” I got news for you, you’re insane. If you had a friend who went through all of this with a partner, you’d get them away from that partner and never let them go back. You also wouldn’t call it love or caring or anywhere near the sort, except these Hannigram shippers they do. They overly justify this behavior and call it romance. It’s sickening. It’s like they are willing to ignore 90% of the actual events of the show to insist that this ship is canon. It’s not.

Not once in the show did Hannibal and Will kiss. Not once in the show did they say “I love you”. Not once did the show establish they were actually a couple or even gay. Not once was there any factual on screen indication via dialogue or action that showed these two being sexually interested in each other or romantically linked. If these events weren’t shown or stated in the show then their relationship isn’t canon and a tweet doesn’t make it canon. All the Bryan Fuller tweets and fan service in the world can’t make it canon. What the idiot shippers bring up THE MOST is the scene where Will asks Bedelia if Hannibal loves him as if this is “the scene” where Will totally confesses his love to Hannibal. Except, that’s not what it means at all. Here’s what’s actually going on here:

If I think that a person I know has a crush on me, and I ask a friend of theirs “Does so and so love me” what indication does that give about my feelings towards that person? Did you guess none? Asking the simple question “Does X person love me” gives no indication as to how the person asking feels about the person they think loves them. None. Will never actually followed that by saying he loved Hannibal as well, and the “bride” comment the Fannibals site was clearly said in a dark sarcastic way, they remove the context to make it real. When you have to jump through this many hoops to say a ship is canon, then your Goddamn ship isn’t canon. Furthermore, Bedelia was a well established liar, manipulator, and former victim of Hannibal’s. WELL ESTABLISHED. There is literally nothing to say she actually knew what she was talking about or she wasn’t just fucking with Will. None. Because that’s all she did through the entire show was fucking lie and meddle with people, including her own patients which was shown in season three. Bedelia has no credibility on this matter because she was already established as a liar.

I do honestly wonder sometimes if I watched an entirely different show than these people. Alright, so even though I covered this before I will say it again and explain it a bit better this time. This is why Bryan Fuller tweeting “Hannigram is canon” doesn’t make it canon. Casual viewers of the show don’t follow his twitter or interviews. I know dozens of people who watched the show and only did that. Watched it. They didn’t go see what anyone had to say about it. They didn’t stalk Bryan Fuller on twitter. They didn’t read every fucking interview that ever happened. This means that what casual TV viewers saw was an absolutely NON-ROMANTIC NON-CANON relationship between Will and Hannibal. People saw what I listed. People saw abuse, manipulation, emotional anguish and torture. They weren’t cross checking with Fuller’s twitter and interviews to make sure their agenda was being pushed. This means that the only place this is canon is literally in fan fiction in the mind of Fuller and in the minds of the fan girls who believed him. It does not make this canon to the show and it certainly does not make the behavior romantic at all.

Even if, at the end of all this, after all Hannibal had done to Will, they both confessed love to each other why would anyone forgive that? Why would anyone call that romance? Why? When this was clearly a system of abuse designed to brainwash Will into codependency and anyone with two brain cells can see that. Why would you want this to represent “Gay love” why would you think this is good representation for gay couples? Why in the hell do you think this matters so much that a show that is literally about one man with power abusing another man be seen as GAY CANON. Why not choose a better more healthy relationship for your cause? What the fuck is the point of all of this? At the end of the day, Hannigram isn’t canon to the show. Hannigram is and always will be fan fiction. Since any “example” of love or romance anyone can give me boils down to nothing more than actual abuse, torture, and murder I’m going to say that it just doesn’t exist. If you want to WRONGLY BELIEVE that it’s canon you go ahead, but you’re still wrong. Opinions do not change facts no matter how badly they hurt your feelings.

[incorrectsmoshgames]

This needs to be said.

The following is a slightly edited version of a youtube comment I left on the most recent Winter Games video,  NETFLIX AND CHILL 80'S EDITION (Smosh Winter Games). I needed to get this off of my chest after seeing people ATTACK Boze for not knowing a movie, and attempting to be funny. I also felt like it needed to be said here as well, if only to spread the message further. 

I have to warn you, I get very heated, and there is a lot of swearing. 

I do use ‘you’ a lot in this, and would like to clarify that it is specifically directed at the toxic part of the youtube community. If you have not done anything hateful, this is definitely not directed at you at all, so please don’t feel bad, as you have done nothing wrong. But I would appreciate it if you take the time to read it anyways.

If you do read this, and help spread the word, thank you.

________________________

Alright, after looking through these goddamn comments, I need to vent. 

Why the fuck is this fandom so hateful? Like seriously, do you guys have no compassion? No respect for the people who spend their lives churning out this content for you ungrateful and hateful fucks? I am actually ASHAMED to be a part of this group about 90% of the time. I cant look in a fucking comment section on any video without being completely overwhelmed with negativity and cruelty. 

Every smosh games video: "This person sucks, please fire them" "Where is Ian and Anthony? The vids are shit without them" "Smosh games is so bad, they should just stop" 

 Every second channel video: "Smosh went to shit when the squad joined" "I miss the good days when it was Ian and Anthony" "This person is annoying and painfully unfunny, they shouldn't be here" 

Every smosh vid with the squad: "I miss when Ian and Anthony were here" "Why are these other people here? They arent smosh" "These skits arent funny, they should stop having these people" 

Every smosh vid with Ian and Anthony: "This reminds me of when they used to be good" "They should only make these videos and stop with the squad" "These guys are so much better than the squad" 

And now, every winter games video is just hate on Boze. 

 And you know what? I'm fucking sick and tired of it. 

I'm suprised Smosh didn't disable comments a long time ago. They contribute no actual feedback, no support. It's just a bunch of whiny, bitter shitheads screaming about Ian and Anthony and hating on the content that they have the PRIVALEGE to consume for absolutely free. Really, it feels like half the 'fans' only come to the videos to moan and bitch about how much they hate the 'new' smosh. If you hate these wonderful people, this free content that they put their blood sweat and tears into, the work that they love and enjoy and put forth to try to make you happy, THEN DONT FUCKING WATCH IT. 

 Don't you have anything else to do with your life than to scream about and shit on people who are trying their hardest to make you smile? Don't you have anything you would rather do than to tell these creators that their work is awful, or means nothing to you? What sort of enjoyment do you get from putting other people down? 

 And if you actually like watching content, think about it. Suppose they fired every person that people think are annoying. Who would be left? There are always people who have senses of humor that you dont relate to. GET OVER IT. 

Ian and Anthony, smosh games, and the squad make this content because they genuinely enjoy it. They cancel shows because they don't like making them anymore. They create new shows or bring on new people because they WANT TO, and like working on/with them. If they brought back all the shows you like that they cancelled, or stopped doing the shows you personally dislike, they would not enjoy their work. The content is good because they put their all into it, because they are having fun and want to share that with you. If they didn't like the content they produced, it would not be nearly as good, because they just don't really enjoy it. And what would you do then? You would complain. Just like everything else, you would complain about the content not being as good. 

You people are NEVER happy. And I am tired of it. I regret scrolling down on any video, because all I see is negativity and hatred. Why can't you take notes from Markiplier's fans? From Jacksepticeye's fans? Why can't you accept that people change, that content changes, and that it isn't the end of the fucking world if literally anything isn't exactly to your liking? You're a bunch of ungrateful bullies and brats. 

And yes, I know there are good people here. I've seen funny and supportive comments. The people they show in meetup vids seem wonderful. The small Tumblr community are some of the nicest people I've seen from this fanbase. But to be honest? The loud minority speak over the quiet majority. And when it comes to such a large community? The minority is still HUGE. 

 If even some of you decided to maybe not post that hate comment, not tell that one member to quit or even kill themselves (yes, I've seen comments like that and they disturb me), if you decided to be a somewhat pleasant person for maybe once on this website, that could make a difference. If you chose to lift someone up, instead of putting them down, you could chose to spread some happiness in this group of people. 

But you don't. 

You only spread hate. You whine and yell and complain, with no regard for the REAL PEOPLE behind the screen, with no respect for their work, with no thanks or gratefulness for the content you are allowed to view for free. And nothing. Ever. Changes. 

So, I have a challenge for anyone who has seen this comment or even read this far. DO SOMETHING. Say something nice, about someone in the comments or someone in the video. Talk about what you liked. Talk about who you like. Talk about something nice, positive, and maybe brighten someone's day. 

Because if you are like me, and this frustrates you and sickens you, you WANT things to change. You want to make this a safe, positive place where we can enjoy the videos and talk to each other. And the only way to do that is to ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING.

And don't give me that, "Oh, it's the internet, trolls will be trolls! There's always gonna be haters!" No. Absolutely not. Being online does not give you the excuse to be a horrible human being. And saying that only validates the thought processes of the people who are leaving this hate. This is something that NEEDS to change. 

 So, if you even somewhat enjoy Smosh; if you saw this comment, and it didn't get completely swallowed by negativity; if you can take the time out of your day to be a nice person, DO SOMETHING KIND. Compliment someone. Make a nice joke. Comment about what you loved about this video, or literally ANYTHING good. Please. Let's try to turn this fandom into something good again. Love CAN beat hate. All we need are people who will try. 

Tl;dr: This fandom is toxic and hateful. Please do something nice. It CAN make a difference.

[amateurfan227]

Shitlist Reviews - Iron Man 3 - 2013

 Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m Amateur Fan 2.27 and welcome to the Shitlist, were bad movies burn... You saw the title and yeah I did finish the 1st phase of the Marvel Cinematic Universe so I thought it would be appropriate to dive into the next instalment towards phase 2...

Ok to be honest, I’m doing this as a request from a personal friend of mine to do a major catch up towards Age of Ultron because of the release of Infinity War which is coming out this week, though I’ve not read the comics (which is weird as the only one I have relating to the stories on the Avengers is Winter Soldier, but that’s for another day) I honestly don’t know much about some of the heroes that are on screen.

Granted I’m a fan of both franchises as I was raised with watching the cartoons (the 90’s ones anyway) and collected DC graphic novels shortly after starting college (I prefer DC over Marvel which I will get to at another time, presumably when I dive into BVS) but when it comes to Marvel, there are way more titles towards the characters as well as the Avengers that I instantly took a major fall away from.

I love the characters such as Thor, Incredible Hulk... hell, the Punisher is literally my favourite Marvel Character due to how psychologically violent he is, but Iron Man is a different story entirely, I think of him more as a rip-off version of Batman and even though that he’s proven himself useful due to his technology in the movies.

Though I think his character has taken the worst punishment of the franchise not due to his age but to his arrogance on his weapons business towards military applications, not many characters in the MCU can understand the pain as Stark could, even in the Avengers he sort of had a close friendship with Agent Coulson when he died before the attack on the Helicarrier.

Iron Man 3 however is something more interesting which both adds towards the character of Tony Stark but not as much towards the villains, hell in this movie, the villains have changed very badly... and I mean that in a very bad way. Most recognition is towards the movie is towards Ben Kingsley’s performance as the Mandarin... yeah white washing a character like they did with Scarlett Johansson in Ghost in the Shell (watch the anime for proof).

With all that said, let’s dive into the movie’s production history...

Shortly after the release of Iron Man 2, conflict grew between both Paramount Pictures (who had distribution rights to different properties of Marvel) and the Walt Disney Company (Marvel Entertainment’s corporate parent, towards timing arrangements for the third movie on the Iron Man series.  In October 2010 however Walt Disney Studios agreed to pay the amount of $115 million for Paramount for distribution worldwide leading with an announcement date of May 3rd 2013.

Jon Favreau stated in December of 2010 that he will not direct the movie but move to another project instead which is related to Disney known as Magic Kingdom, though he remained as an executive producer towards the Avengers and served the same title in the movie we’re looking at today. Robert Downey Jr reached out to Shane Black (who he worked with in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang) to direct the movie as well as write the script.

In 2011, Black entered the negotiations to join the project which was confirmed in March of the same year. Black also described the take on the movie similar towards a Tom Clancy thriller mixed with Iron Man fighting real-life villains. Drew Pearce added that they would avert from the traditional things relating towards Marvel making it a techno-thriller... yet they have a virus that makes people into super-humans....

The duo spent time writing the script removing themes and scenes of pure exposition making every moment propel other narrative points forward; some elements of the comics were even added and used in different connotations such as the Iron Patriot suit being worn by Rhodes and some characters were given names from people from the Marvel Universe.

Like Constantine (previously reviewed), the movie is based on a storyline written for the Iron Man comics by Warren Ellis, I’ve not mentioned before but Ellis is known for another story relating to the Hellblazer series known as Haunted. The first two acts would remain closer to the characters while the third would be more OTT action; the middle act was even compared to Sullivan’s Travels in Tony meeting various people upon his journey

I’m going to skip some more of the production as it does sicken me with the really bad idea of changing major recurring villains towards the comics and changing them like they did with Bane in Batman and Robin... even thinking about that movie makes me cringe.

In September of 2011, Marvel Studios reached an agreement to shoot the film primarily out of EUE/Screen Gems Studios (known for Dawson’s Creek) in Wilmington, North Carolina, Michigan which was in contention to land the production but the Michigan Film Office couldn’t match the tax incentives.

April 2012, Ben Kingsley entered the role as a villain which was confirmed by Kevin Feige stating that is would take five weeks to film in North Carolina basing it only on Tony Stark and not much on Iron Man as it would take it more of a damaged-based film following the events of Avengers; A few days later after the announcement Disney China, Marvel Studios and DMG Entertainment agreed to co-produce the movie in China.

The week after, Guy Pearce (Prometheus, a movie that I will be diving to) agreed to play Aldrich Killain (who was introduced in the Extremis story, Ellis’s story); Chinese star Andy Lau to play a scientist and friend of Stark only for the actors to change to Wang Xueqi (Reign of Assassins) the role of Maya Hansen was originally given to Jessica Chastain (Zero Dark Thirty) but was given to Rebecca Hall (The Town), James Badge Dale (The Grey) was to play Eric Savin, Ashley Hamilton (Sunset Beach) was to play Firepower aka Jack Taggert.

And Favreau was to reprise his role as Happy Hogan, Stephanie Szostak (Motherhood) was to play Ellen Brandt and William Sadler  Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey) was to play the President of the United States, hey on the bright side.

Filming began on May 23, 2012 with cinematographer John Toll working with digital cameras for the first time, as he found them more convenient for visual effects in heavy production, he used a Arri Alex camera through-out the majority of the movie which you can tell worked wonders for the film.

From June 4th to June 6th, filming took place in Cary, North Carolina at the Epic Games Headquarters as well as the SAS Institute with a Christmas tree set up on the front lawn, scenes was also shot at the Wilmington International Airport, the Port of Wilmington  which would serve as climactic battles.

From July 19th to August 1st, filming took place in Oak Island to make aerial drops over the Atlantic Ocean which was done for the scene featuring the Air Force One over Miami which would have been done via green-screen which was changed towards using actual skydivers via the Red Bull Skydiving team.

Computer graphics were only used for the essentials of the scene such as the plane and clouds; filming also took part in Rose Hill which was the setting of Tennessee, which questions such as why they didn’t just shoot the film in Tennessee.

Florida was also used for Stark’s home as well as Dania Beach which made an excellent shot for the Vizcaya Museum and Gardens as well as Miami Beach; there were scenes shot in Beijing, China in December to make the movie relate towards Stark’s associates overseas, including India as well as Manhattan Beach.

A report on the actual production costs indicated that is grossed $200 million but with a net of $178 million which is due to the tax incentives from North Carolina and Florida.

Chris Townsend served as Visual-effects supervisor for the movie which featured over 2000 effects to be done as well as the help of 17 studios; Townsend stated that the collective crew had a one day of down time due to over stepping the visuals for the movie.

Production was delayed though as Downey Jr suffered a leg injury and shots were taken with a double which was easy due to the effects which was helped with the addition of a body double. Over 3 hours and 15 minutes of footage was shot before editing which were brought down to 130 minutes, a little over 2 hours minus the credits marking it the longest from the trilogy.

Brian Tyler signed to score the movie which was a good choice as he was doing a particular score of an Assassin’s Creed game that I enjoy verily ;though others were suggested as well such as Ramin Djawadi (Game of Thrones) and John Debney (Iron Man 2).

The movie premiered on April 14, 2013 at the Grand Rex in Paris with Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth Paltrow attending respectfully while the UK premiere was in a bit of a problem due to the funeral of Margaret Thatcher leading to the event to be pushed forward.

Iron Man 3 grossed over $400 million in North America and reached twice that amount worldwide; it’s the third highest grossing movie relating to the MCU and the set a record as well with the largest worldwide weekend of $28.6 million.

Critical response however was bland on both situations as they stated that it held true to the comics but with major complaints over that one scene that I’ll mention later on, though the angle of the film itself was creative for an entry in Marvel territory which is closer to a certain DC movie which was released a year prior.

So with that said let’s dig into Iron Man 3 and see if we can see if this movie hold’s up today.... despite it being four years old...

 The movie begins with the Iron Man suits being blown up while Tony Stark (once again by Robert Downey Jr) recaps the story on what happened... only to skip the past (1999 in particular) where Tony is at a new year’s party with Happy Hogan (Jon Favreau) as well as scientist Maya Hansen, creator of the regenerative treatment known as Extremis (played by Rebecca Hall) as well as the introduction to a character from the first Iron Man film from 2008, Ho Yinsen.

Tony being an arrogant douchebag decides to be obnoxious towards Yinsen as well as a cardiologist who is introduced to Stark only for him wanting to bang Maya, while in an elevator Tony is harassed by Adrian Killian a scientist who offers Stark and Hansen a place in his company, Advanced Idea Mechanics aka A.I.M. Stark manages to persuade him that he will meet him on the roof in a few moments which Killian obliges to.

Stark and Hansen uncover the code for Extremis only to notice that it is capable of healing injuries and recovering limbs, only for it to have some severe consequences such as exploding after a short period of time.

In the present however we see Tony who looks a bit worse for the were if I’m entirely honest who is recovering badly from the fight from the Alien Invasion of New York is building more and more suits basically removing himself away from everyone he knows such as Rhodey or his girlfriend Pepper Potts...

Which begs the question, if it’s according from the last movie then why isn’t S.H.I.E.L.D. in this; after all he did work along them to stop Loki.

A string of bombings is ordered by a terrorist only known as the master of the ten rings, The Mandarin, played by Ben Kingsley who is doing a very bad performance if you ask me of a terrorist, granted terrorism is no laughing matter but with this... aside from that, he places a threat that he will destroy America for... I’ve actually got no clue... he doesn’t present a motive towards it actually....

Anyway he sends a message to America via video com on the news only for the President to respond in sending Colonel Rhodes (again played by Don Cheadle) as a resort known as Iron Patriot, (think of War Machine just painted over). Rhodey and Tony meet up for information on the Mandarin, only for some kids to ask for an autograph which sends Tony into an anxiety attack causing him to leave abruptly.

At Stark Industries, Pepper is talking with Happy over his new promotion to Head of Security only for him to get into a bit of trouble with his authority status, leading for her to into a private meeting with someone she used to work with... actually this is a bigger question, where is Black Widow in all of this, in Iron Man 2 it was quite clear that she was there to observe Stark for S.H.I.E.L.D’s case.

Her visitor is actually Killian which again is a surprise as from the novel’s perspective of things to come, he’s dead... you may think I’m either harsh on that answer or having a joke but I’m completely serious he commits suicide due to his guilt on stealing the Extremis formula. Killian proposes a deal that would promote A.I.M. on the surface but Pepper refuses, leading to Happy to take a photo of an acquaintance that Killian brought along as well as the car they are driving.

At Stark’s home, Pepper arrives to see Stark in the garage doing exercises as well as controlling one of the suits via head piece, which leads to Pepper to get into an argument about his ego, this leads to Stark to breakdown stating that things haven’t been the same... remember when I stated the absence of SHIELD in this movie, a question should be rephrased as Why doesn’t SHIELD send a series of doctors to all members involved in the attack,  such as Stark in particular as he was the one they came to first.

Later that night, Tony starts having nightmares over the battle, leaving him to have another panic attack only to wake up when one of his suits attempts to attack Pepper, fortunately (or unfortunately depending on what you think of Gwyneth Paltrow’s performance in this) Tony stops it leading Pepper to scold him for his interest on how the suit was self-aware, yeah... some girlfriend you live with Tony.

Happy on his free-time, follows the acquaintance of Killain (named Savin) to a random deal in the middle of Chinatown, Savin gives a briefcase to a guy named Taggart only for Happy to intervene, this leads to a fight where Happy is brutally beaten up and Taggart drinking the Extremis virus leading him to blow up causing Happy to be incarcerated in hospital but for Savin to survive.

Mandarin leaves another message leading for Tony to make an open threat including his address which leads him to return to his garage to hold an investigation in the current attack on Happy, leading to investigate the bombings surrounding the Mandarin leading to one which involves 2 military personal in Tennessee which JARVIS (voiced by Paul Bettany) obliges to create a flight plan.

Though Maya arrives to inform Stark that he is in danger though Pepper isn’t aware of their fiasco back in 1999, which leads to another argument only for a missile sent from one of the Mandarin’s attack helicopters to blow away Stark and Potts, only for Tony to summon his new suit in order to save both Pepper and Maya, leading him to face the Copters head on.

It isn’t as successful as he thinks as the helicopter’s literally destroy his home, leading him to drown in the sea as debris falls on him, fortunately JARVIS manages to save Tony by sending him to Tennessee to Tony’s dismay only go offline due to lack of power, leaving Tony stranded in the snow and sleet.

Tony manages to find a phone to call Pepper stating that he’s going after Mandarin and then does the sensible thing while carrying around a broken iron Man unit by breaking into someone’s garage in order to fix it, it’s not like he can ask someone for a phone call or maybe INFORM SHIELD... Hell in the investigation, Jarvis literally pulls files from SHIEL D’S servers, it’s either SHIELD doesn’t care about the security (saying that what’s new) or they just don’t bother in general.

Tony manages get comfy in the garage of a strangers house only for a child to come by threatening him with a potato gun, and for a child who knows a lot of things, he doesn’t seem at all bothered that Iron Man himself is in his garage, he even states that Stark is presumed dead from the attack. (Sigh) and yes the little kid is the one who played the younger brother in Jurassic World... a movie that I’ve previously reviewed and scolded... saying that I might do a separate review on that one entirely...

Aside from bothering Stark, the kid also destroys a part of the suit as well as NOT knowing who Stark is; he also places some ideas as a stealth mode for the suit leading for stark to bribe him into getting some items to help him on his way.

Back in Miami however, Police are all over Tony’s mansion investigating the Area WITHOUT SHIELD leading Pepper to have a quiet moment alone only to put on an unit’s head leading it to reveal the message towards Tony to her. Later during the night, Pepper drives Maya down to safety (which she could have done with a certain government agency) only for Maya to state something out of the ordinary, which her boss, Killian is in league with the Mandarin.

Killian however is disappointed at the news of Stark wasn’t found in the wreckage on the mansion’s grounds only for his team to state that the Mandarin is on his way, which even though script wise Kingsley does a bad performance but when it comes to menacing appearance he’s pretty incredible at it... I sense a bit of irony from my previous criticism when I mentioned him earlier on.

Tony and the kid (the name is Harley but I prefer to call him the kid at this point) travel around the site where the bomb from the Mandarin was set off only for the kid to state that one of the military personal who set the bomb went crazy due to unknown reasons. This leads to a problem as there are only 5 shadows on the wall were the bomb went as there were 6 casualties, and the kid ends up literally breaking Tony’s mind AGAIN (thanks dumbass) by referencing the attack of New York...

Hold on, he doesn’t know who the hell Tony Stark is but he knows about the Avengers? What continuity are you making here Marvel?

The kid tells him about the military guy’s (name is Chad Davis) wife who stays at the local bar, which he agrees to do so, only for her to give Tony a file about her husband, but notices that there is a connection between her husband and a previous victim named Taggart (one who was used to blow up Chinatown).

He warns her first only for him to get arrested by one of A.I.M’s henchwomen, Brandt, she cuffs him leading a fight in the bar between several patrons as well as the sheriff who some get brutally killed in a gory fashion, thanks for that Marvel. Tony escapes with Brandt in pursuit along with Savin, whom arrives which leads to a fight in a diner between Tony and Brandt who is shortly killed off when Stark makes a home-made bomb between a leaking gas pipe and metal in a microwave.

This raises a bunch of questions because one it demonstrates that the Extremis virus can cure all ailments including cuts, bruises and lose of limbs as well the ability to increase heat rapidly to over 3000 Celsius which raises a question on burning through things such as solid concrete or more interestingly clothing, she literally walks through fire with her clothing intact even though her skin is above room temperature...

And yet again this comes towards that notion when Savin (dressed in a leather Jacket, burns through the steel support of a water tank causing it to crash through a caravan site which looks like is showing a lot of water for a short tank... even though the imagery would make Stark likely DEAD due to the water pressure rather than the drowning.

Stark is trapped however only for Savin to reappear with the id as a hostage, only for Stark to convince the kid to distract Savin with the gadget he gave them only for Stark to brutally kill him by shooting him in the face with a make-shift repulse... I don’t care if anyone says otherwise, Savin’s bloody dead.

At the end of the fight Stark grabs Savin’s car keys and prepares to leave only for the kid to arrive stating that he needs him to survive... kid, you don’t even know Tony Stark is so how do you know that he needs you, and worse, you can’t even handle yourself let alone Stark’s advice... Stark mocks him and then leaves him promising that he’ll return for the suit.

Savin surprisingly comes round from his death and comes back to life however just when the Mandarin sends another threatening message as Air Force One is in the process of watching the message as well, the Mandarin captures a CEO of a major oil corporation and states that he will kill him within 30 seconds when he calls the President (played by William Sadler) which he does on live television no doubt.

Tony however manages to find a way around the Military Personal turning into bombs and uncovers it to be a part of AIM leading him to call Rhodey who is in the middle of a mission in Pakistan for the President as redemption for the act that the Mandarin has caused only for Stark to request for his AIM password.

Shortly after Stark (with the help of a stalker/cameraman) manages to hack into the AIM firewalls and uncovers some secrets that AIM is desperate to hide, even seeing Killian perform the experiments that turned war veterans with lost limbs into his own personal army as well as living bombs, remember that consequence I made earlier on which resulted in the Extremis virus exploding, this is a part of that.

Maya and Pepper were getting into a private moment only to be ruined by Killian when he arrives and brutally manhandles Pepper by strangling her, pinning her to the wall, Maya states that they (she’s a part of this group... now that I think of it, this movie is literally turning into the Dark Knight Rises, more on that later) can use Pepper as an advantage towards Tony’s cooperation.

Iron Patr... War Machine manages to continue his mission in Pakistan only to be attacked while out of focus in the mission when an AIM Agent takes him down in use of the suit. Stark on his way home has another attack when he learns that the suit is still not powered correctly, only for the kid to ask him to build something to keep his mind focused from his anxiety which he does by making home-made lethal weapons.

He manages to locate the Mandarin’s location through the use of Jarvis and attacks the Mandarin’s hideout by killing quite a lot of guards actually, and interrogates the Mandarin who is revealed to be an actor named Trevor Slattery, the face of Aim....

(Sigh) remember when I was saying that this movie was similar to the Dark Knight Rises which most of you will disbelieve, here are the reasons why... A billionaire gets attacked by an unknown enemy who hides a secret agenda for a previous villain from the past only for the Billionaire to meet  a random woman associated with said unknown enemy who has a private agenda to eradicate the hero leading the first villain to fall into a secondary task leading to get taken down like a bitch only for the secondary agenda to turn into a primary leading the hero to stop an invasion/hostile takeover associated with past villain as the hero suffers from physical/mental strain from previous encounters that occurred in the past that harmed him greatly... Tell Me I’m Not Wrong.

Trevor states that Killian and AIM hired him for the task to act as a cover-up for AIM’s Extremis bombings, only for Tony to get captured by Savin, Tony is taken to a secret lab only to discover Maya is in league with AIM, who Tony talks down to by stating that she wanted to help people but only made things ten times worse.

Killian arrives only to give his big villain speech which in my opinion is completely worthless as it’s all be done literally to death, and even states (and shows) that he’s got Pepper as a hostage, even threatening him to Join AIM.... so his plan his to force Stark who owns the Military’s weapon programme, SHIELD’s advanced programme as well as containment suits and weaponry that can combat the freaking Hulk and Thor.... to join a minor team who are equal to Justin Hammer’s team...

Killian responds by killing Maya when she attempts to stop him, after leaving Tony he interrogates Rhodes for a moment in use of the suit, Stark manages to get the Mark 42 suit back as Rhodes is removed of the suit leading Killian to literally spit fire as Rhodey is knocked out, Tony breaks free from custody leading him and Rhodey to interrogate Trevor whom reveals that Killian has something planned for both the President and the Vice President, whom has a daughter with a missing leg.

Air Force One is about to take off as the President meets up with disguised Savin wearing the Iron Patriot suit leading a shoot out on the place in mid air, Savin reveals himself by killing majority of the President’s bodyguards which leads for Iron Man to intervene with a brutal kill by shooting a laser through Savin’s chest.... if that doesn’t kill him, then I’m pretty sure the writers who wrote this garbage will.

This leads for the scene that majority of everyone will remember watching, the falling scene, Iron Man manages to save all 13 passengers before they hit the ground by ordering them to catch each other in freefall, leading him to save their lives, though as he flies away he gets broken into pieces by an oncoming car, fortunately this is in use of another head set that Stark set up earlier. Though he didn’t catch the President, Stark tells Jarvis to start the House Protocol.

Killian however is holding Pepper hostage and in fact shows her that she is the next subject for the Extremis and is stabilizing greatly only for the Iron Patriot suit to walk in revealing it to be the President who is now held hostage in the docks which held a cargo ship that Jarvis was discussing earlier on.

Stark and Rhodes infiltrate the Docks and manages to locate the President before he is given a public execution, this leads for the pair to get spotted leading a shootout between the lot of the Extremis henchmen, fortunately for them, Tony has a plan leading all the Iron Man units to help them out and eradicate the Henchmen leading to possibly the most memorable part of the movie which is saying a lot.

Fortunately Tony suits up leading Rhodes to fend for himself as Iron Man saves Pepper but also gets in a brutal fight with Killian, the fight I’ve got to admit is quite brutal as well as spectacular with the appearances of multiple units that fend of Killian though now that I think of it, the reason it’s most popular is that it’s closer to a Michael Bay film rather than Marvel feature with all the explosions and the patriotism.

Rhodes does eventually save the President when Tony is fighting Killian which he does evade mostly only to save Pepper whom doesn’t manage to be saved by Tony in time, leading her to fall from 200 feet, believing that she is dead Tony manages to get the Mark 42 unit around Killian and blows it up leading him to use multiple units (yet again) to get to the ground level, leading Killian to state a few more villain-cliché lines, only to be killed off by Pepper who survived due to the Extremis virus, though believing that she is close to Death due to the serum, Stark states that he’ll help no matter what starting with blowing up all the Iron Man suits... which is confusing as we see him yet again in Age of Ultron but we’ll get to that eventually.

In the end, the Vice-President is arrested for associating with AIM, Bane... I mean Trevor is arrested for his terroristic plot is arrested and Tony manages to get the shrapnel our of his chest as well as Happy comes out of his Coma as well as the Kid who get s a surprise when his garage is fully rebuilt with Stark’s thanks.

At the end credits, Stark reveals that it was more of a story to tell only to tell it towards a sleeping Bruce Banner...

And that was Iron Man 3, I’ve got admit one thing, the only memorable scene that everyone nearly remembers is the ending when State blows the suits up in stating for a clean state, but aside from that, some of the movie is forgettable, saying that, I think the script was as well, seeing that is was closely resembling another movie from a rival franchise that literally dictated the same exact plot only a year prior.

The movie I think was more of a rushed version of the comic, seeing that in the comic, there was a lot of problems with the Virus than is was a biological weapon, plot wise, it’s forgettable and the motive behind the villain was boring if I’m entirely honest, hell at least with Whiplash he had a decent back-story,

Killian as a villain was just bland if I’m honest and the Mandarin was more of a waste like Rhino was in the Amazing Spiderman 2, (note to self, review the Amazing Spiderman series) but yeah to place it on publicity factor to make him feared was just boring as well with no other premise that related to the character from the Comics.

Robert Downey Jr’s performance in this was pretty much the same through-out the series but aside from that I think it’s been improved greatly when it comes down making his role serious between him and other characters, Gwyneth Paltrow’s performance was.... a little less than before, I mean the seriousness was there when it came to her character but assuming it came with fixing something that was broken was pretty harsh making her more aggressive towards it.

The script needed improvement in some sections such as the virus in general as well as the VILLAINS PLOT... seriously, what the hell?

Now is it a bad movie, it does have some parts that had me scratching my head as well as nearly raging at the screen, mainly at some of the character’s stupidity (mainly the kid) or the villain (yet again) and some of the story relating to the virus was either really stupid or just not explained fully.

Is it a good movie? Well there were some scenes that I enjoyed such as repercussions towards the events of the previous movies such as removing the shrapnel from the heart or having major anxiety attacks from the Attack of New York, as well as some psychological problems such as obsessive-ness or abstractions from reality (speaking from someone who suffers with the first symptom)

I think this one is both a good and a bad movie so it’s sort of in between, so it’s avoided the Shitlist as well as the Hitlist so I’m placing it on category 3 the Waiting List.

Join me Next week where I dive back into the mythological spectrum of Nordic Mythology, Thor: The return of the annoying Kat Dennings... followed by the Dark World.